Confessions from Cloture Girl: I am obsessed with the Bachelor and the Bachelorette TV series. I have watched every season since Season 2’s dreamy Aaron Buerge – except for that weird over-the-top season when the girls were vying for a prince from Italy. Go ahead and quiz me, I could tell you anything you’d want to know about any season and most of the contestants.

While the odds are not good for any of the bachelors or bachelorettes – none of the bachelors have ended up with their first choice (although season 13’s Jason did end up marrying his #2 choice Molly) and only two of the bachelorettes have ended up with their picks – I watch every season with great hope for the couple.

The main take away from the shows – besides some impeccably filmed eye candy– is some sound advice for surviving a relationship. This season’s Bachelorette Ashley Hebert is no different. She’s made a few mistakes and has had her share of cringe worthy moments. Here are a few of my observations:

• Be realistic: On the Bachelor and Bachelorette, each cocktail party and date is more alcohol induced and over-the-top than the next. Note to my other obsessed fans: this is not reality. In relationships, it is not normal to be whisked away to Las Vegas for a concert one night, or Fiji for a third date, or Thailand after just six weeks (at least not in my experiences). You have to have realistic expectations. And that checklist you’ve had since you were twelve – rip it up. No one will ever live up to the expectations of Disney’s Prince Charming. Who wants to wake up next to a cartoon every morning anyway?

• Relationships Take Time and Patience: The week(s) the contestants spend with each other is equal to the amount of time you’d spend with a one-night stand. Relationships take time. So spend some quality time with your guy/girl – it will be worth it in the end. Looking for a cool place in DC? Take a stroll in Eastern Market for brunch and pick up some flowers for your girl – she’ll love that you spent the time to pick them out for her.

• The Past is the Past: Your past relationships are just that – the past. You lived through those relationships once and got through them, so there’s no need to relive them. It’s like high school. No one ever wants to go back unless it’s to show off your hot spouse or to show up all the popular kids who now work at the Piggly Wiggly in your hometown. Going back to an ex, or comparing every other person you date to him/her will only lead to another failed relationship. This reminds me, one of our readers wrote in on this exact topic:

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  Dear Cloture Girl,

  My ex and I broke up years ago on really bad terms, and lost all communication. Now, all of a sudden, she’s back, and wants to get drinks as friends. I’m curious to see how she’s doing, but am I making a mistake if I let her back into my life?

  - Love Loss

  Dear Love Loss

  You should not even be friends on Facebook. Take it from this girl. So skip the ex cocktail hour and leave the drinks for your real friends. You’ll be saving yourself some awkward moments and a bad hangover – because that’s the only way you’ll get through seeing her again.

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• The Paparazzi is not to Blame for Your Breakup: The bachelors and bachelorettes have spent hours blaming their breakups on the Paparazzi and media. If y’all weren’t in love to begin with, it wasn’t going to last anyway, so quit blaming the media for your problems. In fact, maybe a certain former VP candidate could benefit from this advice as well… But the point is, you can’t blame your breakup on everything happening around you. You have to make time for your relationship and commit to it or else it won’t work.

• Tears are Not Attractive: Everyone gets a little emotional every now and then. Lord knows I cry at every Oprah show or Extreme Home Makeover episode. And yes, girls like it when their men show they have a sensitive side – just not too often. The over-the-top water works from some of the jilted contestants (and some of the bachelors and bachelorettes themselves) can be ridiculous. Leave the tissues at home folks. Be confident in who you are and everyone will love you.

• Live Your Own Life: Have you ever seen those couples who spend every waking moment together? It never works out. To make a relationship work, you have to come up for air on occasion. You were one person for 25 or 30 years of your life. Just because you are now in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to lose that independent person you’ve become. You should enjoy the time you spend with your significant other of course, but you also have to have your own time to enjoy the things you did before you became a duo. You partner wants to go on a girls or guys night out? Let them! Freedom is a good thing in any relationship.

Happy dating y’all!

– Cloture Girl

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