Fiscal Cliff, Best House Cafeteria and more

Happy belated Thanksgiving, ClotureClub readers? I missed you. I have elevated myself from my post-election bender to the upgraded bender: Thanksgiving leftovers and whiskey. I think now I might move to fiscal cliff egg-nogg. (It’s egg-nogg with Everclear, tell all your friends.)

From: Mabel @ the Fry Station
Subject: What is the best House cafeteria?
If you don’t say Longworth, I’m going to s#*t in every 10th chicken finger basket.

ALRIGHT. ALRIGHT. LONGWORTH. Dirksen really is the best, though.

From: Hopeful LA
Subject: Staffing up for new members

Hi Hill Staffer,
I am an LA for a member who will be departing at the end of term. I have sent my resume to every new member in my party and every single contact that I can think of. I know that the new members are receiving thousands of resumes from other displaced staffers and Hill Hopefuls. I have to ask, what are my chances? Do I have a competitive advantage because I currently am a Legislative Assistant?

You’ve been here long enough to know that most of these new members just give jobs to their campaign staffers, despite any real lack of qualification. Some will burn out.

No harm in trying, but chances aren’t that great. There’s patronage at play here.

From: Administration staffer with a hard-on
Subject: Interns

How often do those young, skimpily attired interns put out with male hill staffers? Do eligible gents on the executive side have a chance? If so, what are the new hot spots to locate available interns (now that Hawk & Dove is out of action)?

More often than they should. I don’t advise boning interns, but if you want to go meet some, I’d advise an unusual strategy: hit on them at lunch. Much less competition, they won’t expect it, and they’ll look hot to their friends. Am I judging you for wanting to get it on with interns? Yes. Find a nice girl off the hill from the midwest.

From: Candid Campaigner
Subject: Looking for a Hill Job

So my candidate lost, as expected, and hasn’t been particularly helpful with placing his staff elsewhere. I still dream of working on the Hill. How do I approach the incoming freshman?

A sore loser, you say? In politics? No…. NO WAY THIS IS POSSIBLE?!?! I’d ignore the incoming freshmen. Why? Because they have limited DC openings, and most of them will go to party loyalists and staff. And you’d be behind those with years of hill experience for the remainder of those jobs. So, ignore freshmen. Spend some time if there’s a new one from your state, but I’d write most of them off.

Keep it tuned here and to and find other openings with current members. That’s the ticket. Enjoy the left over turkey and booze, and go Redskins! Yeah, take that WCP, I said Redskins. Got a question for me? Send it in here.

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