You know it’s bad when former White House Press Secretary Dana Perino can testify that the DC dating scene is “pathetic” for women. To find the humor in the situation we’ve gathered the nine most basic bro pictures you’ll find on male dating profiles in DC. (Yes bros can be basic too.)

1. With a tiger (or said animal)

This is actually a national epidemic and unless you’re Mike Tyson it needs to stop.

2. The Mud Run Guy

Covered in clay and voluntarily crawling through electric barbed wire is an illusion to distract you from the belly ponch he’s obtained from attending Clarendon bar crawls more than the gym.

3. “I’m a dog lover.”

I only swiped right because I can’t have a dog of my own in my 500 sq ft apartment.

4. Sensitive Baby Guy.

And an obligatory disclaimer that it’s his niece/nephew. You’re 40 and phobic about having kids, WE GET IT!

5. The Bros and Brews.

The standard pose for this picture is arms around his fraternity brothers, eyes squinting open, and DC Brau in hand. It also tends to be the first picture in the line up. If I can’t figure out which one you are, you’re wasting my time…and I’m probably more attracted to your friends…

6. “The first day of school”.

In a suit behind the podium at the Pentagon or White House Press Room.

7. Picture with ambiguous girl.

Claims the girl is his sister but we both know that’s your long distance college sweetheart.

8. “The intellectual”

Complete with cigar, scotch and legs crossed in a leather chair. Let me guess you’re recently out of law school?

9. Gym selfie.

To later reappear when you run for Speaker of the House.

Did we leave anything out? Tweet us at @ClotureClub !